Crack Theories
by CoffeeHouse101
Summary: The crack theories of the world... in anime! And as done by CoffeeHouse101... You've been warned. Starring so far: the casts of Prince of Tennis and Gundam Seed!
1. Lightbulb

Crack Theories

By CoffeeHouse101

Disclaimer- Gundam Seed ain't ours.

* * *

Chapter One: Light Bulb

Magically, all the cast characters of this fic shall be... CHIBIFIED.

That's right, folks. They're all SMALL and CUTE.

Anyhow, Chibi!Crack Theories will now tell you... the story of the light bulb.

so. One day, Chibi!Kira was sitting in his cottage in the woods, wishing he could stay up later than the sunset. "Oh, I wish I could stay up later than the sunset!" Chibi!Kira cried in DESPAIR.

"I know how you can do that!" said Chibi!Athrun, Kira's best friend. "What you have to do is get a steady source of light, and then you stay up as long as you want!"

"that's ingenious, Athrun!" Thus, Kira set out on a quest... The LIGHTBULB QUEST! (Cue cheesy video game music).

Kira grabbed a torch, and headed out into the woods. As he walked, he encountered a squirrel. "Hello, fuzzy woodland creature. I am looking for a steady source of light. Can you help me?"

the squirrel, being the stupid creature that it was, looked at him and chattered. Kira's eyes narrowed. "Can you help me?"

The squirrel tilted its head, and chattered again.

Kira got angry. "ARGH! Fine then! Die, stupid demon squirrel, DIE!" He ran after the squirrel, trying to kill it.

The squirrel, however, evaded him. They ran around in circles, Kira trying to kill the squirrel and the squirrel wondering why a small, cute human was trying to kill him.

Finally, Kira got fed up. "ARGH!" he threw his torch at the squirrel. It hit dead on, and the squirrel lit up like a Christmas tree with candles on it.

Kira dropped to his feet in awe. "Thank you, God, for this blessed gift of LIGHT!" He reached out to pick up the squirrel...

...And promptly dropped it to nurse his burning hand.

THUS is the creation of the first squirrel-light bulb and the first light bulb burn.

Now, I shall tell you the story of the basketball...

Meanwhile...

PhoenixMage sits at the computer, grinning evilly as she types. TheAflamed peers over her shoulder, reading what has been written.

"What the... PhoenixMage! Stop writing about squirrels!"

"But- but they're evil! the world must be warned!"

"I know, but still! Get on with the story!"

PhoenixMage pouts.

"GET ON WITH IT!"

PhoenixMage sighs. "But… but… this story is crack theories!"

"Oh. Okay then. Carry on, carry on."

* * *

We would now like to say that now squirrels were actually harmed in the making of this fic… 


	2. An Elaborate Equation

Crack Theories

By CoffeeHouse101

Disclaimer: Gundam Seed and Tenipuri are NOT ours.

* * *

Chapter Two: An Elaborate Equation 

Five minutes after the finding of the light bulb, it was DAWN.

Yes, it's morning.

JUST PUT UP WITH IT, OK!

The morning sun was rising above a small cabin where there were FOUR chibified characters.

"NYA!" a voice screamed. "Who used all my double mint toothpaste!"

"Ahh, sorry, Eiji, I didn't mean too..." said a brunette before he thought: _"But seeing you upset brings joy to my mornings…" _

"FUJI! That was my favorite toothpaste!" The angry red-head turned to shout into another room. "Tezzie! What should I do?"

A very red faced Tezuka walked into the room, "Eiji! 20 Laps!"

"Nya…Tezzie!" whined the red head. "Make Ochibi, too! He overslept!"

"Baka senpais," yawned a golden eyed boy. Then he glared at Fuji, who was having oh too much fun watching the others SUFFER.

"Tezuka," Fuji spoke up with a smile. "How about a game?"

Everyone tilted their head in confusion, except Tezuka. He knew him Oh Too Well and _knew _Fuji was plotting _something_. Tezuka ran his fingers through his brown hair and adjusted his glasses, already exhausted by the EXCITEMENT.

Ryoma was still glaring at Fuji and wondering why he never opened his eyes… Are they deformed? OR maybe he's an alien… We must remember that, although he's mature for his age, Ryoma was still in middle school. They were ALL in middle school. Which makes no sense, because they're all really tall and look like high schoolers...

Eiji was still pouting over his lost toothpaste, tugging on Tezuka to do something.

"Ok, a game Tezzie!" cheered the energetic, acrobatic Eiji.

"What game? We have no games up here, only the forest," said Ryoma coolly.

"Let's find a game! Tezzie! Fuji! PLEASE!" Then Eiji started jumping around.

"Ahh..." Tezuka nodded. _"I need a real vacation. Better yet, a life."_

Nobody noticed, but Fuji was already having fun planning what the punishment should be for the loser.

_"Fire and brimstone… nahh, too messy… Hang them off a cliff… no, not abusive enough..."_ Fuji continued to ponder.

Everybody got ready and headed toward the door.

Meanwhile (even more cheesy video game music)

"Athrun, where are we?" asked chibified Kira.

"I think we need to go this way…" responded Chibi!Athrun.

"Why do you always make the decisions?"

"No, I don't!…" he protested before acknowledging in his mind, _"Just the important ones is all..."_

They continued bickering and came upon a clearing. There was a cabin, with a flat, barren back yard. Athrun and Kira had a lot of supplies for "light bulbs" in their hands.

"Maybe we should take a break."

"There you go again! Athrun, you have NO control over me!"

Athrun sweatdropped. _"Kira, coffee addiction is fairly common, but you're taking it too far…"_

As they approached the house, the cabin door swung open. Kira stared at the redhead coming out. He had a bandage on his right cheek, and an eager look. Behind him were some piercing golden eyes and someone with no eyes.

"Athrun," he whispered, "That guy has no eyes…"

"I know!" Athrun hissed back. "Kira, be quiet…"

The three strangers left the cabin door and then a tall guy with glasses stepped out.

"I don't know how long I can take it, Athrun… he has no eyes!"

"I think they are just closed, Kira."

"How can someone see like that!"

"Insight?..."

"Can I help you?" asked Tezuka.

"Who are they, Buchou?" Ryoma asked.

"They are from space," Fuji blankly pointed out.

A moment of silence. Then, "How do you know that?"

"My sister said two people from space would be coming to see us."

"Oh..."

"No, we didn't," Kira said plainly.

"Kira, you're an awesome liar!" Athrun whispered encouragingly.

"We have to or we'll be breaking the law by interacting with lower life forms. And if they find the Freedom and Justice then we're screwed!"

Ryoma (again) sent his piercing gaze over to them.

"Oww! Kira,I think he stabbed me with his gaze!"

"Do you think he overheard us calling him inferior?"

A pause. Then, "Look, he has no eyes…"

"CAN YOU GET OFF THE EYES?"

All of the other four were staring at the "Light bulb equipment". Then, Fuji said:

"What a wonderful idea!"

"Nya.. those are squirrels! I heard they were evil!"

_"What kind of person carries around squirrels?"_ contemplated Ryoma.

Fuji rudely interrupted the WONDER and AMAZEMENT of this moment by knocking a squirrel out of Kira's hands. Kira tried to catch it, but it was too late.

But the squirrel bounced back up. It was a bouncy kind of bounce. It bounced enough, but not well, or bad.

Tezuka then glanced at Fuji knowing what the "game" would be.

"Hey, watch it! These are my innovative creation!" exclaimed Kira

"Nya? What does it do?"

Athrun took a match and swiped it against the squirrel. It immediatelty caught on fire.

"Isn't it a heavenly gift! This light burns for days!" he exclaimed, mesmerized by the fire.

Fuji was staring intently at the squirrels, while everyone introduced themselves.

_"Ok, we're in the woods… with sticks… and bouncy squirrels… nets… and a flat ground base..." _

Then he imagined an equation. He was a prodigy when it came to school just like Tezuka. He was a prodigy in EVERYTHING.

_"So: squirrel + sticks + court yard equals A GAME! Yes! Go me!"_

"Kira is kinda like god… except not…"said Athrun as he explained how the light bulb came to be.

Fuji reached over for a squirrel, but Kira refused to let go.

"Not this time, Fuji!"

Then Fuji opened his eyes and Kira turned into a statue. _"Fuji-senpai… kowae..."_

"Tezuka, watch this." Fuji grabbed a squirrel and hit it hard over the net to the other side.

The others mouths dropped to the floor.

"Looks like fun, nya!"

"Looks like a challenge."

Tezuka just looked on. Eventually they all got into the game and thought of awesome moves. It was so awesome! Fuji and Tezuka were on two different levels (no not of retartedness. Of the game).

Athrun and Kira stared in disbelief. They took their heavenly gift and turned it into some BLASPHEMOUS game!

"We have to name it, nya!"

"How about Tezuka Zone?" said Tezuka. This was surprising- Tezuka was gloating about his victories…

"No, how about Nyama!" exclaimed Eiji

_"What kind of name is that?"_ "How bout watch the Idiot play?" said Ryoma coldly.

"How bout Tennis? 'Te' from Tezuka's, 'N' from Eiji's, 'I' from Ryoma, and 'S' from me?" Fuji suggested.

"Sounds good but why the 'S'?"

"The 'S' is for 'suffering'."

Everyone stared at Fuji and took one step back.

Yes, Tennis was born!

They actually forgot about the punishment and when Fuji realized this he planted a certain "juice" in everyones drinks… (mwhaha). Athrun and Kira were so sickened by their display that they decided that being lost was better than staying here.

Then, a scary PhoenixMage peered over theAflamed's shoulder. "What ARE you doing?"

The other author jumped guiltily. "Nothing..."

PhoenixMage quickly scanned the screen. "WHAT? You're doing the same thing I was doing!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes, you are!"

"Mine is with PoT characters!"

"But it's the same IN ESSENCE."

"Yes, but Tezuka's in it... with Athrun..." the Aflamed said, knowing that those two would cleanly clear up PhoenixMage's complaints.

"Mmm... Blue Taffy and Tezzie..."

"Mmm... Apple Candy and Fuji..."

They drooled at pictures of the boys that had just appeared on the screen, while their third insane friend shook her head sadly.

* * *

Squirrels still weren't harmed… 


End file.
